i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
