lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
