I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
