i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
