They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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