i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
