Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize