I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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