Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
