found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
