Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can I color on your dick again?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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