Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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