I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
