Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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