You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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