why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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