Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Randomize
