wakey wakey hands off snakey
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
