I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
