is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
