is wine microwaveable?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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