my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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