Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will be naked everywhere
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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