im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am one with the molecules
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize