Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
