i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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