she told me i tasted like america
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
