he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
