I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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