Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
