Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
