i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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