Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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