We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are two peas in an std pod
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
