I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
