I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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