He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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