The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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