I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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