Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
