my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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