I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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