Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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