I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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