Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
