Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
