Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
