I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize