Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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