I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
