Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
