I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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