he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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