D3 body, D1 cock
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
