My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
