We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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