youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
