It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
