I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He felt like a one man threesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
its liver damage thursday
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
