Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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