so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
