I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
