I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
