He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
