he thought i was a dude.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
